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Not Knowing is the beginning of wisdom.

“I Don’t Know What Else to Do”… Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever felt like you’re on the right path, doing all the right things, and yet things still don’t go as planned? You may have heard the phrase “the only thing you have to do to achieve your goals and dreams is to believe in yourself,” but it can be incredibly frustrating when that belief seems out of reach.
I understand this feeling all too well. As I pursued my path towards “success,” I constantly felt like a failure. I was asked if I truly believed in myself, and I would answer with frustration, “Yes, of course!” But deep down, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What do they mean?” The thought of not knowing what else to do to believe in myself only added to my frustration. I thought, “Isn’t fighting for my dreams enough? Isn’t breaking stereotypes, going the extra mile, losing money, friends, family, health, and time enough to prove my belief in myself?”

Giving myself permission of “Not Knowing” gave me “FREEDOM”.

But then something shifted. I gave myself permission to “not know.” And in that permission, I found freedom.

I learned that believing in myself was not something that would happen overnight. I thought it would be like flipping a switch, but even after attending seminars, card reading experiences, and babalawo cleansings, (yes, I searched everywhere, lol) the switch remained off. This led to disappointment and frustration, a sense of failure and guilt, and the constant thought of, “I don’t know what else to do.”

For many years, I felt an intense pressure to know and it was consuming me. It created intense judgment towards myself and my ability to overcome difficulties. But the reality is, most of the time, we don’t know. We may hope for a specific solution or outcome, but we don’t know how life will unfold. I’ve come to understand that life is a constant journey of the unknown, and the fun part is learning how to ride it.

At the beginning of my singing career, the thought of needing a strategy haunted me. It held me captive with the illusion of being in control and needing to know what to do. But I learned that strategies work once we give ourselves permission to do what we love. The first step is always based in the unknown – it comes from the deep, burning desire of what you want. And not knowing is okay.

The unknown can be an exciting and motivating experience. Giving myself permission to “not know” gave me freedom and made me realize that the only thing I can control is my focus and belief. The unknown is the best opportunity to become co-creators of our reality and choose our desired outcome. When we make our choice of action from the neutral point of not knowing, while focusing on the best possible outcome, the unfolding of life will be the natural consequence of our choice. Little by little, we will discover what we can do, what we are capable of doing, and what we deserve. And then, we will discover that we believe in ourselves.

We all believe in ourselves, it’s our human nature. We are all born knowing that we are capable of achieving anything our minds can think of. However, as we grow older, our belief becomes buried under layers of outside expectations, opinions, wounded emotions, doubts, and insecurities. Trying to break these layers all at once can be frustrating and deceiving, making us feel like we are failing. But when we give ourselves the chance to not know, to embrace the unknown, and expect the best, the layers will come off organically, and our internal self that truly believes in us will eventually be back.

I encourage you to give the unknown a chance today. What do you have to lose? Or better yet, what can you gain?
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